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babies & friends

9 April 2013

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Some older friends with no children told us that when some people have kids you don’t see them much for years. After that some relationships will return as strong as ever and others will have run their course. I wrote about everyone else having babies last year and I really appreciated your thoughts.

After leaving this beautiful backyard picnic party for a cute boy in our life, I happily realised I didn’t feel unsettled by it as some baby-focused events can do to me. Partly because these friends still actively include us child-free couples in their lives (made easier by their son’s relaxed personality too). As time goes by I’m also more comfortable with these changes in some of our social circles – physically with my vision coping with moving toddlers and fragile babies, and emotionally. There is still a grieving process even when a conscious decision has been made to go against the grain. We know we’re on our own path and doing what’s right for us, with the support and understanding of our families and a four-legged one to adore. It’s life that we may lose some friends no matter how hard we try to maintain them and I have to stop taking those relationship-fizzles personally. In the meantime, we are learning how to be an awesome “Auntie” and “Uncle” to those adored children who are in our life.

My husband is great for talking all things science, dinosaurs, space etc. I am very good for cuddles.

Housekeeping: Google Reader is being closed down. If you use this service, you will need to find an alternative one for keeping up with blogs. I don’t know enough to recommend any, but this article might help you.

16 Responses
  1. April 9, 2013

    LI, this is a topic that is sore to me. I am glad you have voiced and summed it up so gracefully for me / us.

  2. April 9, 2013

    I had an “Auntie” and “Uncle” growing up that couldn’t have kids who are like parents to me. It’s a special bond, and sometimes I like them more than I do my real parents. :]

  3. April 9, 2013

    Hi Lucent. Your friends, family and little ones are very lucky to have you in their lives. I love your honest and generous spirit. Enjoy these special times with the little ones as they grow up fast. Much love – Claire xo

  4. Megan permalink
    April 9, 2013

    Friendships can fade away as peoples’ lives change whether they have children or not. You and your husband seem to be the perfect “Auntie and Uncle” for your friends’ children and I’m sure they know how lucky they are to have you for cuddles and space/dinosaur talk :)
    The giving and receiving of the love of a “four legged” one (or “people with fur” as I like to call them) is one of life’s greatest joys.

  5. April 9, 2013

    I think you two would be a fabulous Aunty and Uncle to have. The little ones in your life now, and in the future, are very lucky to have you both.

    x Jasmine

  6. April 10, 2013

    I remember having some wonderful friends of my parents who were my Aunty and Uncle. Your friend’s children are so lucky to have you both in this role. My own children didn’t have anyone like this and they missed out on this special relationship.
    Sarah x

  7. April 10, 2013

    What gorgeous photos! I didn’t have a baby shower but boy, I wouldn’t mind having one like this. It must’ve been a heartbreaking decision (totally get your decision here) for you and your husband. I have good vision – well, with glasses, and even then, I turn around for a second and my little girl managed to injure herself.

    I hang out with friends who don’t have kids, some of them only recently have kids but we love to talk about EVERYTHING but our kids. It keeps me sane from being a mom.

  8. April 10, 2013

    This was really well-put. As someone who isn’t sure if that’s a path I’ll be down, I’ve always had a sort of nervousness about the topic from any angle. But I love kids so much. I love photographing families. I love spending time with kids (sometimes even more than adults)… I just may want to keep on spending time with other people’s kids, only. And it’s a tough place, to recognize and accept that sometimes you become a finished chapter in someone else’s life, just as they may be in yours. Sometimes that’s child-driven, but sometimes, it just is. So be it.

  9. April 10, 2013

    As ever, thoughtful and honest. Wonderful to be loving to all children….however they come into your lives. I am sure you will be very special to them.

  10. April 10, 2013

    Beautiful photos. I love that deep aqua color. And I know you are the best auntie any boy or girl could wish for. Thanks for sharing your insights with us.

  11. April 10, 2013

    Hi my dear friend! What BEAUTIFUL pictures and such lovely words as always! I never planned on having ANY kids, let alone two and then one. It’s crazy how life unfolds sometimes. You are right about the friend with kids thing. I am hoping my husband and I are the exception. We just LOVE our friends! Have a great week. ( :

  12. April 10, 2013

    Um, whoever made that cake is amazing. It looks fantastic.

    That aside, this is a really great post. I think that one day I will definitely have children, but it’s just a nice reminder that maybe some of my friends won’t, and I may have to work harder to see them, etc. I can imagine it would be very difficult, and I kind of liken it to how some of my high school friends got married and had kids at the age of 19, while I went away for university and lived a totally different life. It was hard to stay on the same page, and like you said, many relationships fizzled.

    The nice thing is though that through facebook, etc, we can all stay updated with each others’ lives, so when we do get together we can enjoy the company rather than having to play catch up with it all.

  13. April 12, 2013

    I’m glad you found our blog and led me to yours. This is a very positive and insightful take on the shifts that my peer group is also going through as we leave our twenties and move firmly into our thirties and forties. Some of us are married, some with children, some both, and some neither – some by choice, some by circumstance. Yes, it takes an extra effort to maintain friendships and to remember that we all make different choices (or life makes them for us) and to avoid making assumptions. The friends who can do that are the ones worth keeping!

    • April 18, 2013

      Leslie, I couldn’t have said it better about the friends worth keeping!

      Lucent: I appreciated this post. I struggle with the have kids/don’t have kids decision as I am now in my 30s. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, it is nice to hear them.

  14. April 13, 2013

    Dear Lucent,
    How are you? It’s been a very long time, without comment our visit your blog. I missed reading your posts always so inspiriting and beautifully written.

    I don’t have children either– but is on mind to have at least one some day. But I do have one nephew too. He is adorable, smart and makes me feel so good inside, especially the way he talks and call me I miss him a lot. I don’t have a chance to see him often, because he lives in my country with his father. We see each other via ichat or talk on the phone often.

    Again thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

  15. April 14, 2013

    Very nice article, very touching. Have a good weekend

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