social v solitary
Over the past few weeks I’ve been thinking about the need to be social versus the need to be solitary. As an only child growing up, I learnt to be very content with my own company. While I had friends and always enjoyed the company of adults, I also thrived on days spent in my bedroom, just tinkering. I believe alone time is very important. How else can we have the opportunity to hear our true thoughts, fears and desires? Recharge? Be creative? Slow down? My diary has several social get togethers marked in every week because I love to foster strong, genuine bonds with our friends and go to cool local events. But in the blank spots on those pages are allotted times for quietness. I can’t function without those. It is also a time for my body to refuel as I work so hard to cope with my diminished senses. As I don’t work a normal 9-5 job I can also allocate one day of the week where I don’t answer the phone – it is me taking back time for myself and pushing against the trap of constant connection and noise.
I’ve deduced that I am 50% social and 50% solitary. I need and want both just as much. What is your ratio?
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My husband and I were only discussing this very subject at supper this evening! There is 15 and 13 years between me and my siblings so I was almost like an only child growing up. I enjoy being on my own for some of the time each week and doing what just pleases me. Many of my friends won’t go out for a day without company, which I find hard to understand.
I work part time so I am probably 80% social and 20% solitary.
Sarah x
I was an only child until I was 11, and then my sister was a baby, so pretty much grew up an only. For me, though, I was horribly lonely as a child, and even now I crave social interaction. Lately, going through a difficult adoption and depression, social interactions tend to be really difficult and draining, so that throws a wrench into the works. For the first time in my life, I have begun to appreciate solitude and refreshing. I think both are healthy, but my ratio obviously shifts based on my own mental health.
I think I’m the same as you – I can be a very social person, but I also highly value my time at home alone.
Your post reminded me of a podcast I was listening to the other day: an interview with Susan Cain, author of “Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can’t stop talking”. She was talking about how important time alone is – time to be quiet, time to be solitary – and how it has always been a crucial part of the creative process for creative/imaginative/productive people, and how it is really undervalued in our current society which tends to prize extroverted behaviour (deemed “dynamic”) over introverted qualities. Very interesting.
^ I was just going to mention Susan Cain! She must be doing a press tour or something, because I just watched a TED talk by her about being an introvert and the importance of solitude for deep thought.
I’m not an only child, but am definitely a very introverted and introspective person. I get quite stressed if I have more than one or two social engagements in a day. I’m always reluctant to commit to anything on weeknights after work, as that’s my time The Boy and I, or just me
But I did find when working from home that I’d often get lonely and melancholy spending too much time on my own, and now I’m freelancing from an office with other creatives I’m much happier in general.
I love my solitary time more now than i ever did in my teens and 20s.
Interesting post and I love reading what other people have to say – Kylie, Erin and Sarah! Funnily enough I am an only child too and depending on my mood i swing either social or solo. I am probably a bit more erratic, I tend to go through phases where i’m really sociable for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I’m like right, i need some time out and go into my shell. It probably ends up about 50/50. Its interesting that as you get older you can acknowledge and understand yourself better so that you do get the right mix.
P xo
Wonderful post! I’m an only child too and generally think of myself as a social person – I get a real buzz from catching up with friends and family and from meeting new people too:) but I enjoy alone time too and need lots of it to recharge in between the social stuff. Sometimes I worry that I’m not getting the balance right but I’m getting more intune with it I think as I get older. I’m probably 60/40 social/solitary.
I am a very solitary person. At the moment I am 80% solitary and 20% social, mainly because I work at home and most of my work is writing-based. Sometimes I go for days without talking to anyone other than my husband and son. I force myself to go for walks etc. so I have a bit more interaction with the ‘real’ world. It is very hard to find the balance….
I’m 50-50 too. I really value my alone time for sparking my creativity and keeping me emotionally balanced. If I were forced to be alone, however, I might not like it so much. Similarly, if I were forced to be around others all the time, I might feel a little claustrophobic. I crave both in equal measure.
I’m often surprised that my friends and family are confused or offended by my need to have alone time. Guess I just figured everyone worked that way…
I think I’m 60% solitary and 40% social. I’m one of six kids, so I can’t get out of being social, haha! I love catching up with family and friends and I love being surrounded by noise, laughter and love! But, I’m a bit of a Nanna and I need my time to myself more than my brothers and sisters do.
x Jasmine