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everyone else is having babies

24 April 2012

Change is happening and I’m working to adjust. The flood of thoughts and feelings are being addressed as part of my Project Mind Declutter.

We are surrounded by many couples having babies, getting pregnant and planning to embark on that journey. I’ve been privileged to attend 10 baby showers to date to celebrate their next chapter. Amidst my joy for them I feel many other emotions given we’re not at the same point in our lives. Concerns of how friendships evolve and survive with new priorities. Fears of having an empty dining table in the future. Wishing there were no judgements or assumptions of any woman, especially when the full story is so rarely made public. Struggling with my disabilities around fast moving kids, talking toddlers and fragile babies. An occasional tear.

Comfort from discussions with those who relate. Relishing my nurturing side as a loving wife, dog mum and good family member and friend. Free of guilt after asking my mum if she is ok not becoming a grandmother beside some of her peers. Feeling honoured when we are given Auntie and Uncle titles. Grateful that my husband and I are on the same page and communicate openly. Overcoming challenges of my own with determination and support. Acting on our priorities and pleasures.

While we all forge our own paths to happiness, may we always find opportunities to come together to share moments along the way.

7 Responses
  1. April 24, 2012

    Thanks for sharing a bit of yourself here. It is really hard when your peers are doing something different than you are. As a low-vision mom and an adoptive mom, I understand the subtle grief at a friend’s baby shower or announcement. But I have also learned that these things in life that seem hard actually lead us in a beautiful new direction, and although many cannot understand this scenic road, those who choose to embrace their journey there find greater joy and personal growth than those who take the well-traveled highway. Blessings, my friend. :)

  2. April 24, 2012

    Hi my friend! Interesting you should bring up the baby thing. I too have numerous friends either with kids or having kids. People almost EXPECT you to have children after you get married. I guess they look at it as the next logical step. Every other day I get someone asking me when I’m having kids. I always think to myself…… who said I wanted kids? Being in the entertainment business, I got married later and I’m not a spring chicken! My husband and I are on the same page too. Thank god! If it happens it happens. If not? We are very content with our lives. Being doggie parents is the best, and so is taking off at a moments notice anytime, anywhere! I do have dreams of fostering older children (high school aged). I had a few foster kids last summer in a show I choreographed and I fell in love with those kids. Hmmmm…. we’ll see where life takes us. ( :

  3. April 24, 2012

    Lovely article and beautifully written. I think there are a lot of people out there who have wrestled with similar feelings. Just no that kids or no kids, you’re putting out a whole lot of love in the world and it’s appreciated. Plus…fur-kids are pretty awesome! :)

  4. April 25, 2012

    Wow, this was so honest and open. Lovely of you to put it out there. I think it’s wonderful that you are on the same page. Know that no matter what you are do you are giving so much to the world every day, there is more than one set path and don’t ever feel as though you need to walk people’s expectations. xx

  5. April 25, 2012

    I love that you can share these bits of yourself here….you enrich my life and those of all your readers, I’m sure, as the other comments so eloquently express.

  6. April 26, 2012

    Such a lovely post, as usual your openness and honesty are touching. We are also at the stage where all our friends are having children, actually most are onto the second one. And although we do want children, it is hard not to feel left behind but then again we have other priorities at this stage in our life. No matter what your plan, the support of family and friends makes those tough decisions much easier. Besides, it would be fairly boring if we were all the same!

    P xo

  7. April 27, 2012

    I really wish assumptions weren’t made about child-free couples – especially from couples/individuals with children. Society tends to assume that you cannot be happy without children, which is an absolute lie. Yes, children are a delightful blessing and I can’t wait to have some of my own, but that does not give anyone the right to pass judgement on people who do not have children of their own, especially when they don’t know the circumstances behind the decision.

    I know a couple who have been desperately trying all avenues to conceive for the past two years without any success, and yet people feel the need to ask them every single time they seem them “Why aren’t you pregnant yet? You’re not getting any younger!” It hurts them every single time.

    I love that you and your husband are on the same page on this topic. As long as you, your wonderful husband, and your fur-baby are happy then that is all that matters.

    Much love to you, miss.

    x Jasmine

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